I am going to take some time to “catch up”. This is going to be a rather lengthy post, but I want my journey to make sense to you…especially if you are just starting your own journey. I know for me, it was helpful to realize I was not alone in how I felt or thought. I was interested in how others felt. Was I crazy? Am I weird in feeling this way, emotionally? So, I am going to go back and start at the beginning. (I seriously have been trying to start this blog for almost a year now…I am so not techy….LOL) BUT! Here we are and we will start here!

April 28, 2017, I was painting the trim at the top of our stairs. My foot slipped and I fell…hitting my tailbone HARD on the edge of about 5 steps. I was in immediate pain. My husband was on a business trip across the country. I sat there for several moments to get my breath back and trying to decide if I had broken anything. (Mind you, I did not spill one drop of paint, and I was holding it in my hand! I would have rather dumped the whole gallon of paint down the carpeted steps than go through what I went through, but God has other plans.) I was able to get up and slowly move around a bit, although I was in a lot of pain. I thought, I was just stoved up pretty bad. I don’t know the whole timeline, but a couple days later my hands and feet went numb. I think my legs and arms also went numb, and I chalked it up to apparently I pinched some nerves from my fall.

I eventually went to see my PCP. He mentioned MS, and asked if anyone in my family had it. I said no. We both felt likely that it was pinched nerves, but he ordered some MRI’s and x rays anyway, plus we both wanted to make sure I hadn’t broken my tailbone, or any other lower back damage. Well, you all know how badly insurance wants to play Dr…(roll eyes). He ordered MRI’s of my head, c-spine, and lumbar area. Insurance only approved lumbar area.

Ok.

All that showed from that and the x rays was that I have arthritis in my tailbone, but nothing was broken.

Eventually, it cleared up and other than some discomfort when sitting for long periods or on hard surfaces. I just figured ok, it’s the arthritis, and maybe I irritated it in my fall. Whatever.

Fast forward to January 2018. My husband bought me a certificate for a massage for my birthday. I used it on January 31. The next day my hands and feet went numb. I thought, how weird. The massage must have aggravated the previous pinched nerves. I seriously thought that’s what was going on. I don’t remember entirely all the symptoms I had that time, but I do remember it moved up my legs. Looking back I was more tired, seemingly, than normal. Eventually, the numbness pretty much cleared up except for occasional times and I just thought it was pinched nerves, and my tailbone still would bother me. During this time, my PCP was able to get insurance to approve a brain MRI, (although, they still declined the c-spine). But it showed up clear.

April 2018 Our grandbaby was born 17 weeks premature. The next 4 months were spent traveling several times a week to the NICU about an hour away. I remember the first couple months there were times that I had vertigo so bad I would be praying for God to help me. Again, I just thought it was the stress, worry, nerves…from everything going on. I was practically taking care of 2 households. I made sure my son, and daughter-in-law’s house got cleaned each week, made sure they had food, so they didn’t have to eat out all the time. I done everything I could to help them through this very difficult time. I am not boasting, nor complaining. I would do it again, I’m just trying to paint the picture of how this built up. But that time generated some EXTREME stress in our lives…all of us.

At some point the vertigo cleared up and I don’t remember completely everything I felt during those 4 months, but I do know I was exhausted. Again, I chalked it up to all the added stress. Which I am confident triggered a lot of it. Because you know, when it rains it pours. And when you are physically and emotionally exhausted that’s when the devil makes you his playground…everything about you, but especially your mind!

October 2018. I had an appointment with my gynecologist, because of some other issues I was having. (see I told you, when it rains it pours). He was doing a biopsy and I was a nervous wreck when I went in. It was nothing by the way…and I was nervous for nothing. But when I left I remember thinking…”Ok! Baby is home and doing great! Last appointment of the year. Maybe, just maybe I can enjoy the fall, the holidays, my family, being a grandma, and the rest of my year.

Nope.

The next day my hands and feet went numb. I was like, “seriously?! Again?” This time I could not for the life of me figure out why. I could always explain away the other times, but not this time. Nothing happened. Nothing. I was really confused, and after the year I had just had I was exhausted!

Let me insert here, after thinking about it later, I came to the conclusion that while yes, stress is a trigger, it’s more likely that when you relax after the stress, that sets the flare into motion. This makes so much more sense to me for the last 2 flare ups especially. After a relaxing massage. After the scary dr. appointment. (I am currently in a little flare up again after some extreme stress. I will talk about this one later though.)

A couple weeks in and my husband had an appointment with our PCP. He mentioned to him that I was numb again. At which point he said, Ok, she needs to go see a neurologist. He called and set it up. I went. He ordered more MRI’s. This time we got the c-spine. By this time, I was numb clear up to my chest, and I was losing control of my hands. I was dropping stuff. I couldn’t write. I couldn’t legibly fill out my papers at the dr.s office. I was scared…very scared. Anxiety was setting in. Big time! I cried…a.lot. I cannot tell you how many times, I felt like I couldn’t breath…I couldn’t go another moment like this. My husband would pray for me and no, the symptoms didn’t change, but I would be able to relax. He (God) calmed me.

I need to insert here…I cannot tell you how many times God spoke peace to me during this “flare up”. I went for the c-spine MRI. I am a little claustrophobic, but the previous MRI’s I done fine, so I wasn’t terribly worried. However. I did not realize they were going to put a thing over my neck. I was like…ok, I can do this. But as soon as they put me in, I yelled for them to get me out! I seriously had an anxiety attack. I couldn’t breath…I was bawling. The lady was very kind. She said, “let’s start your music before we put you back in, and I will come on and tell you how long each “thing” will be.” She started the music, and the very first song was, “Oh, My Soul, You are not alone.” I was crying when they put me back in, but I was calm. Peace came over me and it was just God reassuring me that He was with me. She would tell me, “this section is going to be 10 minutes.” I would count songs. I estimated a song was probably about 3 minutes each and I would count songs. That is how I mentally get through my MRI’s.

When we finally got the results, I had a large, 3 segments long, lesion in my neck. Dr. said he took a magnifying glass over the previous brain MRI that showed nothing and said he found a very very small one in my brain.

NOTE: MS is so hard to diagnose, because there really isn’t just a blood test you can do. “Multiple”…meaning multiple lesions.

Some of my labs were also off, Vitamin D being very low…which is common in most Autoimmune Diseases. CRP was high…indicating inflammation in my body. Some other things were off as well.

I think I pretty much knew by this point, but I was still a bit in denial. I always thought MS was hereditary, so I never gave it much thought. I was scared, but kept pushing it to the back of my mind. Determined if I didn’t think about it, it wouldn’t be.

Tuesday, November 20, 2018…The Tuesday before Thanksgiving. I got the phone call. Dr. was 98% sure I have MS. Only thing left to do was a lumbar puncture, which he ordered and was scheduled in December.

This got rather lengthy and I apologize, and I will stop here for now. I will pick up from here next time. I want to share my story…only for it to be a help to someone else. I feel like in order for it to all make sense, I needed to back up and start at the beginning. I am not looking for pity. I am only telling my story. God is my daily strength and help!