I do not remember exactly when I started, but it was sometime in the fall. I do not remember if it was before or during the flare-up I had in Oct. 2018, but sometime around there I started seriously cutting sugar. I had “toyed” with Trim Healthy Mama way of life for a few years, but just never could totally do it. Some parts of it I could do, others were a little more difficult. That part for some reason is sketchy for my memory. I don’t know if it’s because of all the stress from the year, the brain fog I had during that flare, or a combination of both, but I cannot remember a lot of details from then.

I do know mostly how I felt. I felt the “MS Hug” for the first time. It was weird. It felt like someone put a rubberband around my chest. It wasn’t intolerable, but it was annoying. I have had it around my hands and feet a time or two as well.

I also remember I developed some serious anxiety. I never really had a big problem with anxiety, but I did now! I remember one day I was just certain I couldn’t go on any longer like this. I tried to call the Neurologist to see if there was ANYTHING I could do in the meantime of “waiting” for all the tests to come back. They did not return my call for several days. In the meantime, I called my PCP…He put me on some steroids to help the inflammation. (If I had known then what I know now, I never would have taken them, but that’s better explained in Dr. Wahls book.) But I was numb up to my chest and the anxiety was taking over. I also think by this point my sister-in-law had recommended me taking magnesium to help me relax and sleep better, and also L-Theanine to help with the stress. I did start taking both of them.

One thing I have learned is “new symptoms” and “new feelings” are scary. You don’t know what they mean. They would cause anxiety, which in turn would cause me to feel some other scary things. For example: I got super scared when the numbness that started in my feet, kept moving up my body. When it got to my chest, I really started freaking out. I was scared to death it would keep moving up. What in the world would happen if it reached my neck…my face? I was petrified I would wake up one day and not be able to swallow… That anxiety would produce weird feelings in my throat…that only scared me worse. I would also occasionally have feelings of hyperventilation in my face. That was also scary. I have learned since that time, that I get both of those feelings when I get scared…anxious. Most of the time, prayer will calm both of those for me. (I am so thankful for a connection to God!) Sometimes just a good night’s sleep will take care of it as well.

It’s scary. I get it! I know! It’s so hard to always know what every feeling is. Is it a new symptom? I would wake up sometimes and try to bite my tongue to make sure it still had feeling. I have waken up and looked around the room to make sure I can still see. God has tremendously helped me in both of those areas, but I wanted to share with you, so if you are going through any of these things you will now you are not alone! It.is.very.scary! And sometimes the scariest part of all is thinking NO ONE UNDERSTANDS, NO ONE CARES! How do I explain how I feel without others thinking I am complaining? I generally save all my “explaining” for my husband. He knows I am only telling him, 1. so he knows what’s going on. and 2. He is my outlet. He is my “safe place.” No he doesn’t always understand, but he listens and he will pray for me and with me. He also knows I am not telling him to complain. Sometimes, yes I am very scared, but I NEED someone to know. He also is my protector. He makes sure I don’t “overdo” it. (I may or may not be known to go beyond my limits. He has pulled those reins back on me more than once…eeek…lol)

Like I said in the first paragraph, I had started sometime in the fall drastically reducing sugar. So by the time I got the official diagnosis I already was headed in the right direction without knowing it. As I said in my previous post, Getting A Diagnosis, the first night was a rough one. I wrestled all that night. I prayed. I struggled. I fought. I prayed. I begged. I cried. I did not want to be a burden to my family. We had had spaghetti for dinner that night. While setting at the table eating with my family I lost it. I cried uncontrollably. All I could think was my family will have to feed me. It was more than I could mentally handle.

Sometime during the night, I came to a few resolves.

• 1. I planned to research everything I could. Maybe…just maybe there is an alternative to medicine. I would start by doing a search on the Trim Healthy Mama pages I followed, to see if anyone there happened to have MS and had any success with the plan, and their health.
• 2. I also, remembered what I always told my boys. (2 of my boys have Cystic Fibrosis) God has a plan. He sees the big picture. It is our job to make sure we carry out our part of His plan. Now it was my turn to eat those words. How could I do any less than I had encouraged my boys to do? They rarely…if ever…complain about what they need to do. They just do it…it’s a part of their life. We go on. And…They live. They.live.life.to.the.fullest. Ok! That is exactly what I am going to do. I do not know what the future holds, but I plan to make the most of it and live it the best way I can. My boys were/are an example to me. I have to trust it’s all a part of God’s plan. That does not mean it’s always easy, but it does mean I have a hope.
• 3. I can only take one day at a time.

The first thing I did when I got up the next morning was go to the THM page and search for any info on MS. From that search someone had highly recommended The Wahl’s Protocol. I do not remember what all I researched that day, but I do know I ordered the book, found a Facebook page, and read read read EVERYTHING I could find. There started being some rays of hope! Some sunshine! It started to feel like something I could maybe do! Maybe, just maybe there is an alternative to medicine. I just really really didn’t want to go that route IF there was something else I could do. That’s just me. I was a little nervous, but I was determined I would rather enjoy my family than my food. That was my new “motto.” I was a new grandma. All I wanted was to be able to play with my grandbaby(ies). Enjoy my family.

These first posts are getting longer than I mean for them too, but I guess until I get my story out…bear with me! 🙂 I think this is a good stopping point for today. Thank you for following me, and reading my story. <3