Where Are You Christmas?
I am stepping away from “food” for this post. This post will be considered mind/body/soul health and healing.
Where are you Christmas?
This song came on the other day and I always thought this was a strange song, but I happened to be in a rather melancholy mood, so I paid attention to the words.
You see, I was having a rough time. This year…just 3 days after Christmas…marks 10 years since my mom left us. Someone mentioned to me that there was only a few years, if that, left for “Christmas to be the way it used to be”. I didn’t reply to this family member, but for me…that ended 10 years ago. Christmas has never been the same. It has never been “the way it used to be.” It never will be. I lost so much more than just my mom 10 years ago, and it has been a long, rough road towards healing. But I have learned so very much.
Seems like each year at the beginning of the season I go through a spell of melancholy and “almost” hate when the Christmas songs start. They throw me back to memories that are, sweet, bitter, and bittersweet.
This year, I thought I would dig out my Chipmunks cd and play it for Addi. I almost instantly regretted it. Mom loved the Chipmunks. (Secretly I think because one of them shared her name
) Holidays are so different. Now everytime Addi is here she wants “chipmunks sing”. And her whole face lights up as soon as they start singing. (There is something about a child’s face lighting up that chases away the dark moments.) So, we play Chipmunks! Seems like it takes me a little while to work past the melancholy, but I usually get there. Certain Christmas songs though, get skipped, shut off, or 
in a hot second if they come on.
Back to the song. Where are you Christmas? Why can’t I find you? Why have you gone away? Where is the laughter you use to bring me, why can’t I hear the music play?
In some ways, I felt like I could relate, in others, I thought how depressing. I started to it, but decided to finish listening, and thinking at the same time. Because in all honesty the last few years Christmas has felt “strange”. I have realized we needed to make our own memories, traditions, whatever, but there was still an ache. Now, my boys are grown, branching out, starting their own families etc. (Which I am happy for them), but at the same time its more changes. More flexibility required of me.
My world is changing, I’m rearranging. Does that mean Christmas changes too?This line got me. Like STOP! Whoa! Yes, my world has and is changing! I am rearranging. I HAVE to. I can choose to waller in my melancholy, or I can choose to make happy memories. While I may not get what I want (and I dont mean material goods here) when I want it. If I can have just 1 day with all my kids, grandbaby, daughter-in-
, and husband together to just enjoy each other, then I have recieved what my heart truly desires, as far as family goes.
We have put too much emphasis on “the day”, and while, yes, I like if “our day” can be on “the day” every once in a while, isn’t it really about just spending time with your family?
“Does that mean Christmas changes too?” Well, I guess that depends on what Christmas means to you. My first thought when I heard this line was, “No, He is the same yesterday, today and forever. Jesus never changes.” But what made me just STOP in my tracks…Tracy, what, exactly does Christmas mean to you? Yes, I know “The Christmas Story”, I grew up on a church pew, so to speak. But I am human, just like everyone else, and sometimes our focus needs readjusted. I had been taught or “heard” different things over the years about Christmas. One of them being to “keep Jesus out of it. It’s a Pagan holiday”…on and on. Somehow, I think, unintentionally, that is what happened with me. It became a “day” a “season” to me. Regardless of the origination of the holiday, Jesus should be in EVERY aspect of your life.
The next verse, some of the lines I didnt really draw any inspiration from, but I did get something from this line:
I’m not the same one, see what the times done”
No, I am not the same one as 10 years ago. Are any of us? But what has time done? Made us better? It has been a journey for me and the real healing seems to only have really started for me in the last couple years, but I believe the journey had to be taken to lead me to the point of healing. I trust it has made me a better person.
Christmas is here, everywhere
Christmas is here, if you care…
Yes things change, time changes, people change. But once you KNOW the REAL meaning of Christmas. Once you seperate that from the “selfishness” of the season…the “I wants”, the “gimmees”…only then can you have the REAL Joy of Christmas. And that doesn’t only last for a day…or a season…Jesus, NEVER changes!
If there is love in your heart and your mind
You will feel like Christmas all the time…
While I wouldn’t necessarily use the word Christmas if I was writing the song, once you correlate the real meaning of Christmas and exactly what God sent His Son here for, then and only then can you really sing this last verse. Seperate the “season” and the “holiday”. Have the Joygiver living inside you, and KNOW why He was sent!
While I became a Christian at a young age, I have had a very rocky climb the last 10 years. And while yes, these memories still have a way of popping up at this time of year…and it still plays on my emotions a bit, and I know I still have a ways to go. I KNOW God has helped me so very much. Even this little lesson He gave me…even through this song. That does not mean there won’t still be hurts, and memories, but it does mean I have someone to help me through them, and to remind me the real purpose of it all.
I feel you Christmas
I know I’ve found you
You never fade away
The joy of Christmas
Stays here inside us
Fills each and every heart with love.
If you find yourself asking,
Where are you Christmas?
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